Angst and all that crap

Before I venture out into the unknown, I would like to rant my ass off. I feel under in all the fucking aspects of my life, and maybe in this delirious state my mind would clarify, and take me into the oblivion I have been yearning for. I read this Cosmo article about appreciating the dark side in you, and fuck, I would like to believe that even if I feel so angsty and feisty right now, I will not regret it because it will help me keep my head above the water for the next few months. I have this fucking, nagging feeling that I want to rid myself of all the things that are causing me hives, and I seemingly do not give much shit about anything. I do not feel lovable, and I do not feel anything at all. I am sorry it happened, I am sorry for every motherfucking thing that happened. I will have to decide motherfucking soon whether all these strings I am tugging at still make sense to me, or maybe the strings are the ones taking full control of me. Puppet-wise, I do not know what makes me move. Better cut off those strings so I can do a soul-searching relief goods operation on myself. Bow.