It's that lazy time of the year when you feel like throwing your laptop in the air because quite plainly, you don't care anymore where all this will lead you in seven, eight month's time. It's going to be electives, electives and more electives. I don't know if all the science in the air has created this big ball of black in front of my happiness hole that I cannot seem to budge it out.

What I really miss is the katipunan condo-during the more lazy hours spent just writing, waking up inspired because there was coffee and evaporated milk boiling in a pot. Because you knew that even own-cooked pasta dinners would somehow satisfy your tummy, but most especially your desire for independence.

I hate having to wait-like how it is with my hair now. I just have to grow it out so I can grow fond of it again. I have to wait to finish the year so I can look back and say, hey something has changed, after all. Ay, there's the rub.

What's also scary is how saving and spending have neutral effects on me. Right now, I'm gung-ho to save the amount expected of me by UH grad services. I promised myself that after I saved that amount, I would then buy something fun for ME. Come to think of it, I haven't really bought anything that would excite me. But thinking about doing it....well the shade is still gray.

What I can say excites me is the need to learn something new. But I'm a bit tired commuting, and when I look at the general picture, my brain goes on auto-mode.."YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH MASTERS YET". So there. I think what I have managed to do is to program my brain to think GRAY for two years.

I need a certain type of purging. I really, in an OA-way, feel weak.