Brain-spaces

Had butterflies in my stomach one night, but I sink in despair of thinking that I am becoming insensitive, not thinking of that person in that light. With the air of the sea taking me to places in a year, and with the mundane pulling me in another direction, and with family ties-whines pulling my left foot, and my own selfish womyn-whims pulling at my other, I am scared that expectation has gone down the drain while I was imitating the Gwyneth-Sylvia-moment in the bathtub. And it goes to crazytown as I ponder on whether he still thinks about me in that way.

Just had a soulful night; and I almost didn't have it. I was motivated to clean the dirty clean kitchen in our house. I thought of how the kitchen was under-utilized. The oven is barely-used, the counter-tops are just storage spaces. No kitchen-activity going on, all right. Then I think about what people would think when they saw this kitchen. It looked splendid in a sense that it might have come from an interior design magazine, but it was just that. I ended up hating it as connections with the moral disorder would just arise.

Xandro called me up one evening. It was during the day when I texted him that I was staying in Katipunan because of my load. Thinking about the Xandro-Claire tandem gives me goosebumps. In a bad and good way; they have this certain lifestyle that it also characteristic of the Tiglao family, and it makes me feel comfortable but distressed as well; I don't know if I share this view with anyone. I want to be independent soon, and I can't help but feel like scrutiny will pounce on me in places seemingly familiar. HMM.. :(