I just realized that for the past years, I have only opened up my being to less than five people, people who have experienced the monster and the fairly-okay-girl within. Other relationships I classify as pseudo-relationships; connections that do matter but just do not stick to your soul. It is also then that I realize that there are some people who you are really comfortable with that being stupid doesn't seem the least bit embarrassing. Sometimes I think whether these friends still, in some way, find me interesting as they have seen me stripped naked, haha, and it amazes me how even in the busiest days, when we stop and truly converse, there is still that connection. I guess it was really meant to be that way.
What's true and saddening at the same time is how we really travel in this life alone. Even the person who seems to know you best does not seem to penetrate your neurotic being, unless you willingly share it to him/her. And it's funny how that neurotic being wants to be touched and acknowledged to the point of insecurity, but it will never be passively connected with the neurotic being of your other. Not absolutely, I think, but the possibility of having a sublime connection with a person makes you want to wake up and get to know him/her more. I think capitalists make money not just from the concept of love, but the possibility of nearing that passively-connected relationship.
And I think the reason why people break it off is how one thirsts for that sublime character in a relationship. Maybe when people realize that it will never be absolute; never be sublime, but only sublime-like, people will be more content living with their other. Maybe that feeling we are all looking for, that feeling we aim to relive in dreams, in art, in things that render us soulful, is only realized during those times. Which points me back to how we live in this life alone, and we travel alone, and we bathe in our own sublime.
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