I remember BobbyGuev saying how I should get married and have someone provide for me so I could really do what I wanted. I figured that it would be unfair for that person because I'd want him to do what HE really loved.
Anyway these past days ideas about DS, going wild, travelling, caring less about others, caring less about musts and shoulds have been prancing about in my head. I think about things that scare me; something like how before turning 25, I should be hugging myself and making sure I get all the mental wellness I can.
I don't know if I trust myself that I will do these things I have been meaning to do. I don't know what the hell I am so scared about. I don't know why I patterned myself to think that being mature will pay off eventually. Probably because I thought the universe was conspiring me to become that person. Idontknowwhyihavealltheseideasofsettling;ididnthavethesewrappedaroundmyheadwheniwashavingfun
Sometimes I miss being tough in the sense that I had my plans laid out in neat little index cards, in a clear book, having enough space for awesome possibilities waiting to jump at me.
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