I painted my wall

I painted my wall about a week ago, and my mom nonchalantly commented ,"Ganda ah." And I think she noticed how I painted my wall in times that I was feeling a little bit down.

I miss people who I usually hang out with. I think this is the time of the year that I am being sucked into a dark hole. This is the exact time; I remember last year, and it reminds me of all things I put myself into. Hopefully the sembreak brings me into a better disposition. Well, I hope I put myself into a better disposition. I remember last sembreak; it did bring me into a better state. happy happy times :D

I miss stealing happy hours. tooroon, tooroon, toorontoon!

Wala lang. After finals isip

Kanina tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung itong tinatahak kong landas ay nakapabuhay sa akin. Masasabi na oo, buhay nga ako, mas hindi sabog. Pero iniisip ko rin na kung nabuhay ako na parang walang bukas, baka may pinatunguhan din. Kasi yung mga taong nagpapakasaya, parang ok naman sila. Paminsan naiisip ko na baka kung may gusto talaga ang mundo para sa iyo, hahanapin ka talaga nung tandhana mong iyon. Hindi ko alam kung tama lang itong pag-iisip na sinusubukan kong mag-ayos, paminsan parang wala namang dinadatnan. Hay nako biglang nag-pop ang Walang Kadaladala sa aking isipan. Jusmeh, parang henerasyon ko at ako nakalutang. Gusto ko na magising sa panaginip na ito.

wheefee doo

nagbasa ako ng de dios kanina at nakakatawa ang kanyang conclusion. something to the effect of saying that the Philippines is both lucky and unlucky that it survived the asian financial crisis but is in deep shit kasi the same institutions that saved its ass are the same institutions that go la-la-la now. and the very potential for the Philippines is also hindered by centralization. pano kayo yun noh? the chicken and egg problem. medyo saturated na ulo ko kaya blog blog muna. la-la-la muna.

KAYA HINDI UMAASENSO PILIPINAS EH! hahaha tsk.

Titillation, Lazy daisy and then some

"Once you decide to titillate instead of illuminate . . . you create a climate of expectation that requires a higher and higher level of intensity" Bill Moyers.

Wow, this sort of stabs me right in the heart.

Anyhoe.

My prof told us how 1. we should learn fast, ride the wave of technology, and 2. establish connections.

I have been particularly out of "society" these past months. I'd want this sembreak to be spent on knowing more people. Maybe use those chemicals. haha Gain more connections and build more networks. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to have a lot of acquaintances. I can't wait to be emancipated from this semester.

I quit smoking last wednesday, and it's a weird experience. My lungs pain me, they scream for affirmation. Oo na, buhay na kayo, kaya hindi ko na kayo papatayin pa. But then my head starts to hurt, and this time it screams of treatment. And my womanhood asserts herself, and everything goes haywire. It's good that before I sleep, I can taste victory somewhere around the corner.

The more periods you get, the more it carries on [...] So. Move on. Friends.

Magic spells, uncensored

My friend and I had a nice chat, nice meaning, honest and uncensored. hehe There are girls, I believe, who really have the chemicals needed to attract people, and by people, I mean, men who go ga-ga over girls that have that magic. It's nice to talk to a friend who REALLY GETS IT! I think my other friend called their species "natural flirts", and of course this should not be taken in its derogatory sense. There are some girls who know how to do their thing. hehe

I miss having uncensored chats. :D

I just realized how draining my posts are. Trippy-bubbly time! We had Danton Remoto as our speaker for our DS class just recently. He spoke as if he did not have any breaks in his head. It was such a funny talk; he had all these insinuations and snippets of gossip about politicians and their wives, their relatives, etc. He was just SO gay. He kept using all these wisecracks about government, and taught us a thing or two about gay lingo. He makes being mean seem funny, and with a mean scale from one to ten (one being the lowest) he was somewhat a 9.3333333. IT was HILARIOUS.

laya,malay,kamalayan

nakakatawa na ako mismo ay pinayagan ang sarili na makulong sa mga nais ng mundo sa mga dapat sa mga nararapat sa mga tinaguriang tama, na sa aking kamalayan naman ay alam ko ang totoo at pinagdasal ko pa na manatili sa katotohoanan at ngayon ang realidad na sinanay sa sarili ay mismong nawawala; ang higpit ng hawak dati ay nawala. ano na ba ang nangyari sa akin na pinabayaan ko mangyari ang ganito. na ang mismong kaluluwa ay pinabayaang magpadaloy sa mga bagay bagay na sa totoo lang naman, ay hindi nakaugat sa aking kinamulatan. ang kinalakhan ay patunay kung sino ako at ako ay inaalon. inaalon sa mga bagay na di dapat alunin. nakakatawa, nakalulungkot na sa katandaang ito ay muli, parang dati ay nawala nanaman ako. tawag ng daloy ng dugo? baka nga, pero sa ngayon ang lahat ng nakapaligid sa akin ay nagsusumigaw na, "Hoy, parang kailan lang ay kilala mo ang sarili mo!" at hindi ka pwede magkunwari na hindi mo sila naririnig; kung gawin mo ito ay talaga kang mapagkakamalan na hipokrito, putang hipokrito ito. may bakas na nga ng pagkahipokrito ang iyong pagkatao; nagpadala ka, oo. pero kapag hindi mo sial pakinggan, siguraduhin mo na ang kunsyensiya mo mismo ang papatay sa kaluluwa mo. panigurado yan edralin.

The center of the universe

This semester is about to end, and it just seems like so many things have happened and I do not know where to start or stop remembering and analyzing. I can't help but feel that I have such a microorganism these past months. I've been heavily drawn to certain issues, ideas; I always put them in MY context which is particularly vain. What's funny is that even if I put those things in MY context, I do not necessarily contribute to my well-being because I have become slave to the things going on around me that I do not necessarily listen to myself.