WTF.

Someone told me recently told me that the reason he took up law was, "Kaya ko kasi." Three short motherfucking alliterated words. Made me think about how I settled for substandard anything.

Watched the aquarium again, and it made me think of how ridiculously funny people can get when they're drunk. And how radars really go off when alcohol entertains the braincells (or is it the other way around?)

Alcohol makes me think of how there is no one really there to take care of your emotions but yourself. That's because everything underneath you is not seen on your pupils.

Last Wednesday, there was a JVP recruitment talk, and I missed it because I had to study, etc. Being in Manila, in all honesty, has made me dry, shallow and hopeless. I am looking forward to that Back-to-Bacolod in November, and even if it'll open up more scars and scabs, it's something I'm willing to do so I can clear my head.

Shit this is the worst time to free fall into that mode. I should be keeping my drive should be at least in 2nd gear and nothing seems to keep me on the track even even that plaid im entering this emo fucking mode, more like what happened to me mode i miss the old times where i was keeping my head above the water but was experimenting all the while now i just feel so plain like a plain fucking plain jane i used to be mary jane but now i am a plain jane i want to shove responsibility in its own face i can't even get out of my mediocrity when can i learn to forgive myself when all the time is wasted and i find myself dazed and confused and shit i miss those spontaneous walks down a dark alley where spontaneity exceeds my lungs and is reciprocated by a willing victim ironic as it may seem i find no dark places of comfort i just want to rediscover myself but cannot fall victim again i've used up all my free cuts in life and for what for something more i hope so i hope i hope but i cannot seem to kick myself fast enough because i start floating away i wish someone could push me out of this gas chamber-slumber willing to dance to dance to no beat to every beat

Kinababaliwan

We're Looking for Lot of Love- Hot Chip . Petik mode
Ticking-Pin Me Down . Cram mode
Women We Haven't Met Yet- Minus the Bear . Far future mode
Tessellate-Tokyo Police Club. Hobo beat mode
Nature of the Experiment-Tokyo Police Club. Old school vibe
Kingfisher Demo-Meligrove Band. 3 am individualist choice mode
BBBicycles-The Bicycles. Red Horse Street Trip mode
Shades of Red and Blue-Peter Project. Hifhaf gradeschool mode
A Manner to Act- Ra Ra Ra Riot. 3 am individualist mode
Starts off with a Bang-Mobius Band. Far future mode




Pwedeng pwede pang-aral at pangchill

Tinawag ako ni Tolentino at Pinaharap sa Mahiwagang Salamin

Kanina sa kalse ay pinaguusapan namin si Marcel at ang kanyang ideya ng pagkakahawig ng pananampalataya at pag-asa. Ipinaliwanag niya na ang pag-asa ay nakabuo sa pagsabi ng, "Inaasahan Kita", na mayroong patungkol sa dalawang nilalang na nagbibigay ng isang daang porsyento sa isa't-isa. Pinasok niya rin dito ang salitang tapat, kung saan ito ang kilos ng isang relasyon. Umiikot ang mga konsepto sa ulo ko, at dahil maaga ang klase (7:30) at medyo kulang ako sa tulog, inaantok pa ako at hindi kayang bigyang paliwanag ang sarili ko. Tinawag ako ni Sir Roy, at kahit na paos siya dahil sa Philosophy Convention ay parang umalingawngaw ang malaki niyang boses sa pandinig ko. Tinanong niya, "MON, IKAW, TAPAT KA BA?" At noon ay parang sinampal ako ng malupit sa mukha at muli akong nabalik sa aking kinauupuan.

Para gawing maikli ang kwento, hindi ko nasagot maayos ang tanong. At sa tingin ko, hindi ko pa din ayos ang aking katapatan sa mga tao. Kaya nalungkot ako, kasi ang mali talaga ng tayming ng mga bagay-bagay :(

The reason why I can't bloom

I recently had the urge to dance, and bobbing my head to my own rhythm seems like the most natural thing in the world. I decided to observe the aquarium last weekend, and I eventually did not feel anything but comic relief.

Means lang yan beybe

So the stirring begins. And it is never going to fucking end unless I give myself that fucking importance kasi ang baba ng tingin ko sa putanginang sarili ko. That disjoint feeling may come from the fact that the nicotine in my brain has cleared up. And it's still an everlasting sucky feeling because of the trajectories we're in. And so fucking what if my trajectory is not a trajectory but a fucking crossword puzzle? At least it's my fucking crossword puzzle. And who the fuck am I kidding when I think that this is going to be alright? And who the fuck am I kidding when I think that anybody cares about that fucking trajectory? I'm headed towards plain jane-ville, and I can't fucking accept it. I want to kick myself hard and quick so I can wake up from this fucking slumber. And I will not accept the fact and the reality that is being shoved into my fucking throat: the reality that I will have to smile at someone else's FUCKING ACCOMPLISHMENTS WHILE I SETTLE FOR MEAGER pats-on-the-fucking-back. I miss being selfish and angry at least I had some work done and some self-importance to fall back on. What's funnier is how that distorted shit-view that you're-doing-alright is perpetuated by people who have a fucking clear idea that you-look-a-wee-bit-dazzled-beybe but make the effort of saying how you are doing fine. Standards were created by the world, beybe, and it doesn't help giving out that condescending look. Does not help, at all.

Lymphomania

I am currently feeling under the weather. These stupid lymph nodes made me realize how extremely messed up my thinking process is, and how I have never really given thought on how to entertain my happiness. During these times, it is soooooooooooo tempting to let go of everything. Not just yet, not just yet!