twos

now posting more than once is something that shows how extremely messed up one's mind can get after drinking more than one cup of coffee. makes me reflect about how one can get two without having so much trouble. anyway just wanted to reflect on how the word paninindigan. there is something so synthetic about it that i just want to go crazy and start waving around a nice bolo. i hate that word so much, makes me see all the insecurities of people, makes me see my own insecurities. the 100% perfect ____ is rendered 89%, 91%, rendered forgotten, oh who the fuck can ever forget?! no one forgets and that's why it hurts more because it is placed in a moldy old box and is left for rats to feast on. i don't trust people who can forget because it is not inherent in feeling persons who can remember every spectacle,everything. i do not believe in new beginnings, there is something lost in blank pages. and you pat yourself on the back thinking how well you painted the wall when all you did was gag the shadows that you enjoyed putting on a show for.

i'm 22, i'll be turning 23 and i'm still looking for that itch. i'm still doubting every you and you and you because i had it all too good when i was pure and i could remember everything. yesireeeee i had it all too good.