There is something that I cannot put into words, something that has been rotting in my brain for a long time. I have been feeling nauseous for the past years, and it comes with the feeling that I am doing something terribly wrong. I cannot ride the happy train, something must change! I need to overhaul myself, I cannot keep on pretending that everything is going smoothly because frankly, I cannot ride my own fucking train because of the people in it, plus I cannot even hold on to the fucking rail myself. The need to overhaul myself screams and slams and imposes its brooding presence on me. The need to smile sends small implosions up in my brain, and it is making my head hurt. And what's worse is that I cannot even explain it to people "close" to me.
People can be assholes sometimes, more often than not.
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